Tonight my husband and I spent over an hour sitting on a cliff, two feet from the edge, just being. We watched the sun as it made its way from its place in the sky, down, down, until it finally put itself to bed. We watched as it rebelled against the dark that would inevitably follow by lighting up the blue sky in a hundred shades of orange sherbert, buttercream, periwinkle, and pink. We watched to the east as a rainbow appeared. Then became a double rainbow. Both staying longer than I have ever seen. We saw the hills and mountains that border this valley turn into amber orange waves, blending layers of earth and sky into the symphony of twilight. We stayed. And we did nothing but hold hands and watch.
For once, no one was needing us. The five children who call me Mommy were safe at home with a babysitter. Our appetites sated, there was nothing we needed. No errands to run. No things that must be bought. No little people pulling on my clothes and heart. No place we had to be. No one expecting us or asking anything of us. It was a vacation in the truest, shortest, sense of the word.
We sat. At what seemed like the edge of the world. Falling in and out of silence. Revealing our hearts. Not just lovers, but friends. Comfortable in silence one minute and laughing heartily at inside jokes the next. Like they have since we met, other people came and went all around us, but none of them actually changed us. We sat together, high above all the comings and goings of those below. Removed from all the things we usually fill each hour with, I felt what I usually forget to feel. Gratitude.
Sitting somewhere between the streets below and the sky so open that if you lay back you feel dizzy with the possibility that you might actually fly, it welled up in me. Thank you. I have been given so much. A husband who is faithful and loves me. Healthy children who love and are proud of me. Beautiful artists who know how to love and are friends to me. A home. All my bills paid. Family. Adventure. Fun. On and on…
I daily live a life that I never imagined. It is beautiful and messy and busy and filled with stress and humor. I am almost always either making a to do list or trying to do the to do list. I lose my temper as often as I lose my keys. I sometimes drip with sarcasm when I open my mouth to speak. I drink more coffee than is medically advised, (but really, what childless, B12 popping ass, came up with caffeine recommendations?) And I fail, somehow, everyday. But it’s real. And tonight, sitting in a place where everything that usually weighs on me was small and literally beneath me, I finally had perspective. I am so thankful for all the beauty that is in my life.